you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
