Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
