TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
