also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
