I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
