Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize