We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
