strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
