This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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