Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
