K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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