I just made out with a guy for $7.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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