DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
