I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm passing your future prison.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
