He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
