Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
