i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
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He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
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she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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