im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
