I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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