We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
