Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I could make wine with my vomit
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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