Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
