he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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