so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize