I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
50% drunk capacity currently
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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