woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
