I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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