every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
