Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
