I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
