Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
