Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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