I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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