it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
