If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
