You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Umm I'm too high to move.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
