Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
