I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
