90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
