I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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