Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
