i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
