cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
