I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
