She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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