The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize