he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Alive.
So much puke
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
