Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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