dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
