i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
