Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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