I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
