I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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