Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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