just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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