I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize