i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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