i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have post one night stand depression
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
