We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
