I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
