he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
love makes seman taste better
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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