She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
